Fear me I've killed all of them

Reasons I love the supernatural fandom:

They have all just risen as one and said that no, of course Castiel is not dead. He’s just chilling at the bottom of the lake.

And Dean gets drunk and goes fishing using burgers as bait.

And Sam goes and shouts relationship advice into the lake and offers hugs to try and entice him out.

And Bobby is just like, fuck this shit, and is quietly learning how to scuba dive so he can go get his idjit angel out.

Oh yeah, and Jimmy is seriously unimpressed with this nonsense and he and Cas are going to be having a serious talk once this is all sorted out.

Damn it I love you guys.

Where Castiel was last episode.

So let’s suppose for a moment Dean wasn’t feeling as guilty as fuck and was the cocky son of a bitch we all know and love.

“Sure, call your third witness.”

And Osiris smiles this smile that just says oh damn son, you’re screwed now.

“I call Castiel angel of the Judeo Christian God to the stand.”

The Winchester’s faces fall; Dean starts trying to work out how much it’s going to suck to die this time round, Sam just tries to work out if he can throw his brother over his shoulder and run from the room.

Castiel takes the stand, still sodden from the lake and looking faintly confused about the whole thing.

“Castiel,” begins Osiris “would you please tell the court just why Dean should feel so guilty for killing you?”

Castiel turns his head to stare at Osiris curiously. “Is that why I’m here?”

He doesn’t look confused anymore, just downright irritated.

“Dean didn’t kill me, I’m not dead.” And he stands up, kicks over his chair. “Castiel out bitches!”

Then leaves in a cloud of BAMF and suddenly every virgin in a ten mile radius is magically deflowered.

Sam and Dean fistpump in triumph (or Dean would if he wasn’t still tied up).

Osiris would wonder if it was too early for retirement.

heathyr:

Castiel, why’d you have to fuck up to this magnitude?

I mean, seriously.

You should get a medal.

Actually I think they all deserve medals;

And I’m saving a special one for these guys;

Sam: Santa’s not real, you know that right?

Amy: He is too real! And anyway…I’m just covering all my bases.

Sam: Well you shouldn’t be wasting your time talking to the pretend guy who breaks into your house every year. If you need help you should just ask me.

Amy: What can you do?

Sam: I can protect you! My dad and I fight monsters all the time, I think I can manage one little crack in your wall.

Amy: I’m scared to sleep.

Sam: I’ll stay here with you. I can keep a watch over you while you sleep!

Amy: Have you been reading those vampire books again?

Sam: What? No! *pause* Shut up! They’re good.

Amy: Weirdo….thanks.

Damn it! Why didn’t you give him a sign!?

Four times the Doctor tried to play matchmaker and one time he didn’t: The Doctor knows a lot, he knows how to speed along the slow process by which humans fall in love, what he doesn’t know is how to help a hunter and an angel fall in love.

PG-13

Written for trensu’s prompt “I kind of want to see the Doctor attempt to play matchmaker for Dean and Cas. Like he did in “The Tennant” and with Kazran”